Disconnection
by damoisella
Summary: When two hearts go down two very different paths, where do they end up?


Disclaimer: whistles Why would you think they'd be mine? Like, durrr...!  
Author's Notes: I must've started this a good month ago, although the storyline's been in my head since that first tiny hint of a Susie/Jonesy thing happening. A third of the way through, I got bored, put it away, and never really regained that 'spark' to write. Then, once finished, I completely forgot about it... until now.

Summary: When two hearts go down two very different paths, where do they end up?

* * *

DisconnectionSenior Constable Jo Parrish sauntered over to the kitchenette, tucked to the side of the station, and looked expectantly at the man who was boiling the kettle, and seemingly oblivious to her presence. 

"Well, what do you think?" she asked with a sly grin, leaning forwards to be in his line of sight. PJ looked at her face, the sparkle in her eyes obvious as the wheels in her head turned at lightening speed.

"What do I think about what, Joanna?" he questioned calmly, his tone wary.

"Them!" Her head jerked slightly to the left, as her grin grew. PJ followed her gaze, to land upon the two most junior members of the station, who were both squashed together at one of the computers, quietly discussing a theory and occasionally pointing at the screen with a pen.

"What about them?" He was being deliberately apathetic and nonchalant, with the knowledge that it would drive Jo nuts.

"Look at them!" she screeched quietly, jabbing a finger in their direction.

"Jo, all they're doing is looking up a few things on LEAP. Nothing wrong with that."

"But -"

"So that means you -" he clamped two hands down on her shoulders, looking steadily at her, "will leave it alone, and get on with the work you're supposed to be doing."

She gave him a chary look. "But Peeeej..."

"Fine, go ask Susie about it, if that's what you really want. Leave me out of it." He picked up his steaming coffee and retreated back into his office, leaving a somewhat disgruntled Jo standing outside.

She stood and watched the two constables nod and obviously agree on something, before Susie stood up and came towards her. "What's the matter, Jo?" she asked, noticing her colleague's expression: a mixture of frustration, curiosity and glee. Taking the biscuit tin off the shelf, she held it out to Jo.

Jo declined, and shook her head. "No thanks."

Susie shrugged and took a Scotch Finger for herself, before replacing the lid and putting it back on the shelf.

"Sure you don't want to get one for Jonesy?" Jo asked, her sly grin reappearing.

"Come again?"

"Oh, come off it, Susie! What's going on between you and him?"

Susie's brow crinkled as she looked at Jo with mild amusement. "What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean."

"There's nothing." Seeing Jo's unconvinced face, she added, "Nothing, Jo!"

The senior constable shook her head. "That's not what it looks like to me."

"Well, you're wrong," Susie said flatly, before walking back over to her desk.

Jo followed her with a scrutinising gaze, her suspicions still on her mind.

* * *

"Jo knows," Susie said that night, her head on her pillow, as she curled up onto her left side. Evan climbed into the other side of the bed, and looked over at her, sensing what she was referring to. 

"You sure?" he asked, lying his head down next to hers.

She nodded. "She asked me today."

"And you said...?"

"Nothing, just like we agreed." She looked at him carefully. "You still agree, right?"

He nodded. "Of course." He reached out and touched her face, instantly smoothing the lines that wrinkled there with worry. "Jo will talk about anything that's happening at the station, you know that. If it's not us, it'll be something else."

"I'd prefer it if it wasn't us," Susie replied honestly.

"Well, we can't change that," he said, suddenly leaning over towards her, a hand on either side of her body. "We'll just have to be -" Evan's lips hovered charismatically above hers, and she couldn't help but smile.

"Discreet," she supplied, before she succumbed to his kiss.

* * *

Susie yawned and stretched her arm out, half-expecting to nudge a certain person awake at the same time. However, it hit the mattress, and she sat up confusedly. 

Suddenly remembering, she lay back down, staring at the ceiling. Of course – it was a Sunday, and he had the early shift with Jo. She herself wasn't due in until after lunch.

Still, he could have woken her up when he was leaving, she thought grudgingly, though she supposed she should be grateful that he had let her sleep in. Thinking she may as well get up, Susie stood and put on her robe, not prepared to do anything whatsoever before she had a coffee.

Rubbing her eyes as she entered the kitchen, she stopped curiously, spotting a piece of paper taped onto the coffee pot.

'Susie,  
Hope you remembered about my early shift. Didn't want to wake you. See you later today. J.'

She smiled with affection as she kept the note where it was. Ah, he knew her too well. Not that she minded; on the contrary, she found it quite touching that he had the decency to leave a note in the first place. Many wouldn't.

Despite the confidentiality, their relationship was what she seemed to want, and more. And the reason why it worked so well, she supposed, was because they were mates, first and foremost. They always had been. Things could always build up on top of that, but at the roots, their friendship ran like an underground river.

Still, it was a pity they couldn't share it with others. Or, more like, they felt obliged to keep it quiet. It wasn't the likes of Jo or public scrutiny, but it was the job.

The job, Susie sighed. It always would be.

How did PJ and Jo break it to Tom, she wondered. Did they tell him, or did he find out by chance...?

It could be hard at times. She felt like a schoolgirl, bursting to tell a secret that she knew she couldn't. She just didn't think it was fair that she and Jonesy had to sneak around – she despised that. It made her feel as though they were breaking rules, although technically they could do what they wanted out of hours, as long as it didn't interfere with work – and they made sure it didn't. It was because they were both the junior connies. If either of them was a senior sergeant, or even just a sergeant, no questions would be asked.

No, she thought frustratingly, it was because they were the youngest and most junior members. And because of that, they were considered naïve, immature, insignificant... Susie shook her head. No, they weren't either, and she appreciated Tom for having his highest faith in all his members. Still, it was always easier to blame the people at the top.

Yawning, she curled up on her couch with a cushion tucked under one elbow, wondering how to spend the morning. Usually, on days like these, she would appeal to either Jo or Jonesy for company – yet today, both were working. Back in Melbourne, there had always been some footy game to go to, or at least a game on the television, but there didn't seem to be that either...

The gym was probably the next best thing. Finishing her coffee, she enjoyed her last minute of relaxation, before standing up and making her way out.

* * *

"Jonesy, that's not fair," Jo protested, crossing her arms and staying put at her desk.

"My hands are tied," Evan shrugged simply, refusing to back down. He had gotten the lunches three times in the last week, as opposed to Jo's diminutive once, and figured that it was definitely not his turn to get them today, Sunday or not.

"Eurgh!" Jo groaned as she finally surrendered, standing up with a loud clunk of her desk chair. "Ben's going to hear about this later today, you know."

He flashed her an innocent look, one that clearly said, 'Report me?' She sighed in frustration. "Look, Jonesy, just because the Boss told Ben that he didn't have to come in today till after lunch, doesn't mean that you can go and abuse the fact that we don't have a significant senior around!"

"Nope," he grinned, leaning back in his chair, knowing he had won, "No significant senior around at all."

"You -!" Jo stopped herself from calling her temporarily-estranged colleague something she'd sooner than later regret. "You owe me," she threw in his direction before leaving the station.

He was still chuckling to himself a few minutes later as he tapped the end of his report pile against the table, aligning the edges into a straight line. The front door closed with a rough clang, startling him momentarily, but not distracting him from his attempt at pushing the entire pile into the filing cabinet at the one time. "Why are you back so quick? Chris run outta bread or something?" he asked, assuming it to be Jo.

"You know, it might be easier if you file the reports one at a time," a different, yet ever so familiar voice spoke up. He whirled around, instantly dropping the pile from his hands.

"Tess?"

She smiled back at him with a smile he would never forget. "You left by yourself here, Evan?"

"I, ah – yeah," he finally nodded, still too startled by her sudden arrival. She laughed, humoured yet pleased by his reaction.

"Better pick those up," she nodded towards the nearly-forgotten reports, scattered around his feet.

"Later," he replied distractedly. "What are you doing here?"

She dodged his question. "Where is everyone? Oh, hang on – Sunday," she remembered. "You and Jo on, eh?"

"Yeah, she's gone to get the lunches," he explained. "Hell, Tess – don't blame me for being a bit shocked here..."

She let out another laugh. "Sorry about that. Look, I'll be outside until Jo gets back – when she does, come out and join me."

"Yeah, sure," he agreed easily, not needing much persuasion. She nodded, and without another word, left him alone in the station once more, gone as quickly as she had come.

Sure enough, no more than five minutes later, Jo came back, paper bags in hand. "Here you go," she said darkly, tossing Evan a bag, "Your turn next time."

"Ta, Jo," he muttered, standing up. "Can you give me a few minutes?"

"Eh, Jonesy – what are you -"

"I'll be back," he interrupted, heading outside to the front, slamming the door closed behind him. Tess caught sight of him, and climbed out of her parked car.

"You have a bit of explaining to do," he said, not waiting for her to speak.

"Yeah, maybe I do," she said quietly, looking down. "Walk with me?"

He didn't answer, but stepped in time with her without any protest.

"Look, I wanted to tell you I was coming back," she began, wondering what to say now that she was here. She didn't want things to be difficult – but did she ever, she wondered ruefully. As soon as things headed that way, she had always run from them as fast as she could; an instinctive reaction she couldn't abolish. "I didn't even plan to come back, really." She stopped and laughed at herself. She was never usually impulsive, yet Evan had somehow brought that side out of her.

"So what made you?" he asked, not looking at her.

"I – I don't know," she replied hesitantly. "I wanted to see the town I used to live in, I wanted Andrea to see that too... I wanted to see you."

He finally looked across at the face he had hoped to see for so long. She stood right next to him, yet she still seemed untouchable. She still had a shield built up around her, he thought.

"Well, I'm glad you could make it," he replied, his tone somewhat flat. "How long are you planning to stay for?"

"I haven't decided yet," Tess replied uneasily. "Only a few days, I should think. I can't afford to be away from Melbourne for too long."

"How is Melbourne?" he asked.

She nodded, a light bit of enthusiasm brightening on her face. "Yeah, it's great. The Carmichaels are really good to me, I have everything I need – a really good place to bring Andrea up in."

Evan nodded back. "Good – that's really good, Tess."

There was so much unspoken between them, and to be honest, Tess didn't like it. Once upon a time she knew exactly what her constable was feeling, what he thought, and vice versa. They had been so in tune to one another. Yet now it felt as though she was talking to a mutual acquaintance from long ago... and definitely not Evan, whom she thought she knew so well. Was it him, or was it her?

She glanced at her watch; maybe it was time Evan went back. For one, Jo would be curious as per usual, and perhaps it would give her more time to think alone. "You better get back, then."

He sighed. "Yeah, I s'pose I should."

"Do you want to come over tonight? You could meet Andrea," she added, slightly disheartened that Evan hadn't asked about her daughter yet.

"Ah, yeah – sure," he agreed. "Where are you staying?"

"The motel, room eighteen. About six?"

"Fine," he nodded.

"Oh, and Evan, please don't tell anyone I'm here. Not even the boss." She looked at him pleadingly.

"Why?" he asked curiously.

"I want to remain anonymous here. I came to see you, not them." She cringed at her blunt words, but it was true.

"Alright," he agreed, albeit reluctantly.

She smiled. "Thanks. See you around six then?"

"Wouldn't miss it," Evan promised, putting a bit of faith back into Tess. He gave a smile, one he couldn't help, before turning back the way they had come and headed towards the station.

She watched him go, praying that he was still the same old Evan she had left so many months ago. It was what she had come back for, and Tess didn't like disappointment.

* * *

"About time you came back, I was about to go out looking for you," Jo remarked tetchily, clearly still not too happy with her colleague as he re-entered the station.

"Yeah, sorry," Evan muttered back, sitting down at his desk.

There was silence for a few moments, until Jo put her hands on her hips. "Well?"

"Well what?" he asked, bewildered.

She sighed disdainfully. "Aren't you going to tell me where you went?"

"No." Evan shrugged.

"Got something to hide, do ya?" she smirked, rather than getting irritated. "Secret admirer? Oh, hang on," her voice dropped a few decibels, "You've already got one of those, don't you?"

He tensed. "Don't know what you're talking about, Jo."

He turned away, ignoring her probing. Damn. Jo had just reminded him, without meaning to, that he hadn't given Susie a fleeting thought since seeing Tess again. Feeling increasingly annoyed with himself, he took out a pile of unfinished traffic reports and proceeded to blot out his thoughts for the afternoon.

* * *

"Hey all," a familiar voice called out from the back.

Both Evan and Jo turned upon hearing, as Jo smiled. "Oh, hey Suse. Have a good morning?"

"Yeah, alright – went to the gym, y'know," Susie shrugged. "Anything happen?"

"Nope," Jo sighed. "I don't think anyone in Mount Thomas can be bothered creating crime on a Sunday like today."

"If only," Susie said half-heartedly. She shot a passing glance at Evan, who had previously looked up when she had entered, but had since gone back to his work. Men, she thought. "Ben not in yet?"

"No, not yet," Jo replied, glancing at her watch. "But you're early."

Susie retorted with a 'what-can-you-do' shrug, sitting herself down in her chair. The station fell into silence once more, and she wondered whether it had been like this all morning so far. Perhaps it really was a quiet Sunday, like Jo said – Susie didn't think Mount Thomas knew of such thing!

Minutes ticked by, and Evan got up and headed over to the kitchen to make a fresh cup of coffee, apparently oblivious to the people around him. Susie watched for a moment, before standing up herself and following him.

"You okay?" she asked quietly as she stood next to him, reaching for a mug of her own.

He glanced at her. "Yeah," he replied, as though it was obvious.

"Alright, if you say so."

They went about making their coffees in silence. Taking her now-full cup, Susie raised an eyebrow as she leaned closer to him. "You coming home tonight?"

His face turned into one that was uncomfortable, which itself was strange around her. "Ah, I can't, I've got something on," he explained quietly.

"Oh – sure," she nodded, though she looked disappointed.

"Sorry," he added quickly.

"No, that's okay." She waved it off, although she looked reluctant about it.

Ben chose that moment to make his entrance to the station. "Afternoon, all." Turning around, he saw both Evan and Jo. "You guys can shove off now, if you want."

"Yeah, ta Ben," Jo replied cheerfully, standing up and heading to the locker room.

Evan nodded curtly, and abandoned his half-made coffee as he headed back to his desk to tidy up. Susie stared after him, partly confused and partly annoyed at his lack of attentiveness. Shaking her head, she grabbed her mug and walked straight back to her own desk without another glance around her.

* * *

Hours later, Evan drove a route that seemed unfamiliar to him. Sure, he had been to the motel a dozen times, but never for something like this...

He climbed out of the car, and checking he had the right room, he knocked on the door, his insides churning. He hoped his nervousness was concealed from his face; a display of emotions around Tess had always been a weak point of his, and he had to admit it never did him any favours.

Seconds later, the door opened, and in front of him stood the woman he had loved for so long, yet hadn't seen for months. She stood with a slight perturbed edge that didn't seem too familiar, yet was so 'Tess' he could understand it almost immediately. Whatever they had said earlier that day at the station was now forgotten: they were starting again.

"Wasn't sure you'd come," Tess remarked casually, holding the door open and trying to be light-hearted, when it was obvious neither were.

"Of course I'd come," he replied honestly, looking straight at her. He couldn't play games this time, he had realised. Not like before.

She avoided his eyes, a reaction so typical of her that it almost seemed like routine. Yet it shouldn't have to be routine, Evan thought to himself.

"How are you?" she asked, closing the door firmly behind them.

He let out a laugh. "Since when have you gone into the pleasantries of that kind?"

She shrugged in return. "I don't know."

He disregarded this. "Where's Andrea?"

Tess brightened at the mention of her daughter. "She's in the bedroom – thankfully asleep, so if you wake her I'll kill you," she added.

"Oh, I don't know Tess, that would just create extra paperwork for the others and I don't know if they'll like that..."

She laughed, and he privately felt pleased he could still make her smile. Perhaps nothing much had changed after all. Yet he could also feel some edge of tension, just a fringe, of unspoken words and not knowing where to start.

"Do you miss it? Work, I mean," he said as they stopped outside the bedroom.

She hesitated. "Yeah... yeah, I suppose I do," she admitted eventually. "I mean, I've got everything for me in Melbourne, and I'd rather spend a bit more time with Andrea before I start working again, you know?"

He nodded. Of course he knew, and Tess knew that herself. He gestured they enter the room, and without a word, she agreed, and led him into the dim bedroom.

A crib was set up in one corner, and he seemed frozen in the doorway.

"Go in," Tess probed him gently. Startling alert, as though waking from a dream, he quietly crept forwards and peered over the wooden rail, his breath catching somewhere in his throat as he spied on a bundle of blankets and a small head.

"She's beautiful," he said, so quietly that Tess wouldn't have heard, if not for the silence of their surroundings.

She nodded. "Glad you think so."

"Just like her mother." It slipped out without meaning to.

She was grateful for the darkness, just so she didn't have to hide her expression. As flattered as she was, Evan didn't need to gain that knowledge just yet. It wouldn't be doing her any favours.

"Better let her sleep," she whispered, and let him follow her out of the room and back into the sitting area.

"Coffee?" Tess offered, striding over to the small kitchen tucked into the corner.

"Yeah, ta," he nodded, gingerly sitting down on one of the two couches. A silence floated over them, and although he wouldn't have minded a year ago, now it seemed all to foreign. Should he wait for her to speak first? Or should he? Where do you start with someone who you know so well, yet have so much unspoken with?

"What, no coffee for you?" he asked, peering at her drink as she brought two mugs over. Handing him one, she gave a wry smile.

"I won't be able to sleep otherwise," she replied, sitting herself down on the spare couch. "Andrea wakes up at about six every morning for a feed, so my sleep is precious. And much needed," she added. "So I've reverted to tea."

"Fair enough," he shrugged. Glancing around the room, he asked, "Don't you get bored?"

She absently stirred her drink. "Yes and no. I can't possibly get bored looking after Andrea, but all the same, she's not a great conversationalist yet." He laughed, and she felt encouraged to continue. "I mean, I'm not bored, as such – I just miss some things from the old life. Everything changes when you have another person that depends on you."

"Are you going to move back here?" he questioned curiously.

"I don't know. I honestly have no idea." She gave a chuckle. "I'm not looking ahead into the future much these days, as much as I want to." He sensed there was more, and waited expectantly.

It took a while for her to continue. "I have thought about Melbourne, though," she went on, not looking at him. "I just... I just don't know if that's where I want to live, where I want to raise Andrea. I mean, for now it's fantastic, but what about in the long-term?"

"And?"

"I miss Mount Thomas, I really do," she said honestly. The thoughts of the country town, and the people in it, had overtaken her mind for the past couple of weeks, and to say it aloud was like unleashing a virus building up inside her. Deep down, she knew the main reason why she would go back was Evan. He would be there for her, she knew, and be the figure that perhaps Andrea would need some day.

Her throat became dry, yet another sip of her tea didn't seem to soothe it. "I – I miss you," she let out quickly, yet quietly.

Evan blinked. Had she said the three words he had been dreaming about for months on end, after she had left town? Yet it didn't light up his heart the way it would have a year, or even six months, ago.

His mind floated over to Susie, unexpectantly, and not in a way that he wanted it to. God, how did he manage to complicate things? He could be wading into some very deep water here, yet he didn't know if he would sink, swim, or drown. Tess was echoing his feelings that had been kept inside for so long, but for the first time he wasn't sure if he wanted to hear it. He hadn't really gotten over what he had once felt – yet his heart was full of newer emotions that couldn't hide.

Evan glanced at his watch, without really registering what time it was. "It's getting late, I better leave you alone."

Tess' heart sank. So long had her feelings been kept under the surface, and as her thoughts gradually rose and she said something, she'd blown it.

He had changed, that was it. Or was it her who had changed? She still didn't know. Perhaps both of them had changed. But she couldn't expect him to be the same, not after so many months now...

Her face was crushed, and although she was attempting to hide it, Evan could always see through her outer shell. He felt a pang of – what? Guilt, regret, sorrow... perhaps all three, and more. Yet knowing that the longer he put off his inevitable exit, the worse it would become, he stood and replaced his empty mug on the coffee table. "I should go," he repeated, as though trying to convince both himself and Tess.

She nodded, putting on her gracious face. "Sure, you've probably got work tomorrow," she replied. He nodded back and proceeded to the door, letting her follow.

"Thanks for letting me know that you were coming here," he said meaningfully, for he really was grateful, although it was hard to tell whether he would hurt more by not knowing, or by the position he found himself in.

She smiled. "No need to thank me."

He felt himself be captivated by her blue eyes; eyes so familiar, it seemed like it was a year ago – he being the constable with the cowboy attitude, and her being the straight, by-the-book sergeant. With effort, Evan broke the beam that had been strung between their eyes, and turned back towards where his car had been parked. "Ring me on the mobile before you leave, yeah?"

"Of course," she agreed. "Drive safely."

He felt another pang in his heart, but ignored it as he gave her one last smile, and climbed into the driver's seat.

* * *

Susie shivered with sudden night chill and pulled the doona more tightly around her. Although knowing she had work in the morning, she couldn't lull herself to sleep – and the cold wasn't helping.

She heaved a sigh as she willed her mind to calm itself. Yet there was a niggling thought that seemed to be bothering her, something she was unable to shake off.

Completely stupid, she told herself. No reason why she should be feeling like this whatsoever. So Jonesy wasn't coming over tonight – no big deal. It had happened before.

But not in the same way, another – more reasoning – part of her mind spoke. Why had he been so distant, so short? Had she done something, or had something else happened? He wasn't usually cryptic, or secretive, in any shape or form. On the contrary, he generally announced what was up; even to the point that he had told everyone he'd agreed to accompany her to the Greek restaurant in St. David's that time!

Despite herself, Susie smirked. Impossible, he was.

A moment later, the smirk dissolved into another sigh. There was no reason for her to be thinking the way she was – she had never been like this before, why now? Was she becoming paranoid, forgetting what it was like to have pre-marital relationship problems? Or was there something that perhaps her mind was overlooking?

Susie still saw no answers dangling in front of her as she gradually dropped into sleep.

* * *

"You're late," Ben remarked as Susie rushed into the office the next morning.

"I'm really sorry," she apologised, trying to put on her police jacket, dump her belongings down, and sign in all at the same time. "I must've forgot the alarm, or something..." she added lamely.

"Ah well, don't worry about it, s'long as it doesn't happen too often," Ben replied.

She nodded. "Have we got anything on?"

"Not at the moment. Although I'm going to get Jo and Jonesy down to Mrs Rodmeister's later on. Unless you want to go instead?" he offered.

"No, let them go," she muttered, turning away. Ben bit his tongue and decided to say nothing more. He wasn't one to meddle in his colleagues' businesses, unless they seemed to interfere with their work. And at this stage, he concluded, it wasn't.

"Hey Suse, you alright?" Jo asked, eyeing her friend carefully. Startled, Susie swivelled around from her desk.

"What?"

"I said, are you alright?" Jo repeated, none-to-patiently.

"I'm fine," Susie replied, almost too quickly. "Just tired."

"Not getting much sleep lately?" Jo questioned innocently, unable to resist. However, Susie did not take the joke with her normal lightness, but gave her a glare and turned away once more. Jo raised an eyebrow, and decided not to comment further.

Instead, she strode over to the other side of the office, where Evan was digging around in the filing cabinets. "Mate, you better talk to her, before we all get our heads bitten off," Jo said flatly, crossing her arms in front of her.

"What do you mean?" Evan replied, slightly confused.

"Susie. I don't know what you've done, or what she's done, or -" she waved a hand around, "whatever. Just sort it out before Ben gets on your case about it."

"Sort – wait, sort out what, Jo?" he questioned.

"You tell me," she retorted, flouncing off to answer the phone. Evan was left standing by himself, his brow furrowed.

Oh, hell – this didn't have anything to do with Tess being back, did it, he thought. Damn. Of course it did, despite him doing his best to act the same around Susie. Had she wondered why he hadn't gone to her place last night? It wasn't the first time...

Evan felt ready to pull his hair out, only stopping for the fact that his police hat would be bloody uncomfortable without his hair to cushion it. That, and being the centre of public ridicule.

It was just so hard, with Tess being back.

He felt as though he was at some sort of crossroads. Should he revisit his past, or go down the new road that seemed to have no conclusion? Tess had been such a large part of his life for so long – he couldn't let go of her now... could he?

But Susie, a different voice piped up in his mind. He sighed. Yes, Susie. None of this was her fault. She didn't know of Tess, and had nothing to do with this.

She has everything to do with this, the voice continued. Why else are you so hesitant about Tess? You're doing this for Susie. If it wasn't for her, you'd be back with Tess in an instant, and you know it.

Evan rubbed the back of his head with a hand tiredly. He didn't want to hurt her, yet he didn't want to let Tess go. How could he get through this, keeping both of them? Was it possible?

Deciding he couldn't – or wouldn't – think about this for much longer, he stalked over to the kitchen to make another coffee.

* * *

Hours later, the two constables found themselves in the office, working silently. Jo had accompanied Ben out to a domestic, PJ was at the Magistrate's in St David's, and as conscious as Tom was to his surroundings, he was locked up in his office, leaving them alone.

The tension would have been obvious to anyone who happened to walk in. Susie decided that if either she or Evan were going to talk, he would be first.

A few desks away, Evan decided that if he or Susie were going to talk, she would be first.

It wasn't that they were arguing, or anything remotely so. As far as Susie was concerned, they had hardly spoken at all. Polite, indifferent, and strictly work-related chat. She was wary of what was going on. He was tangled in both past and present feelings. An interesting combination, if it didn't signal the atmosphere of something odd between the two.

Susie sighed, her question tickling the end of her tongue, desperate to be asked. Finally, she relented. "So, why didn't you come home last night?"

"I told you, I had something on," he replied patiently.

"And that 'something' took all night, did it?"

"Look, we agreed that technically, I'm still living at the Imperial, right?" Evan clarified. "That doesn't mean I come home to you every night." He winced; it had come out harsher than he had meant it. "Sorry... you know what I mean."

She did, but she wasn't about to admit it.

"I didn't want to disturb you last night," he added.

It made it sound as though he was doing her a favour, Susie thought to herself. Yet perhaps he was. Or at least trying to, she added dryly. Maybe it was her turn to put things right.

"Alright, thanks," she conceded, giving a smile, hiding the flutters somewhere around her stomach. "So, er – how about tonight?"

Evan looked into her blue eyes; eyes that seemed promising, hopeful, and... hiding reluctance? He grimaced, knowing his answer. "I think it's better if I don't."

"Why?" she asked, hurt flashing over her face.

"Suse, I just – I feel that I need a bit of out-time, okay?" he said, looking at her. "I'm sorry."

She stopped herself from showing pain, and instead stood like a marble statue, solid and tall. "Fine," she replied, nodding. "Whatever you think." She turned to walk away.

"Suse, hang on -"

"No, if that's what you think is right," she stopped walking, but didn't turn to face him. "Then do it," she almost whispered, before leaving the room.

He felt like kicking himself. This was definitely not the outcome he had hoped to obtain. Had it turned out like this because of him, or because of her? It was still an unanswered question.

Stopping outside Tom's office, he knocked. "Boss, I'm just going to get the lunches." Tom nodded, only briefly looking up from his paperwork, and waved him on.

Susie was nowhere to be seen inside the office, but Evan didn't blame her. Without another moment's hesitance, he left the station.

* * *

"Evan." He heard her voice, just like he had the day before, only this time in the Imperial. He whirled around.

"Tess, what are you doing here?"

She smiled enigmatically, paper bag in hand. "Getting lunch... and I suppose that's what you're doing here too?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Where's Andrea?"

"I left her with a babysitter for a couple of hours," Tess replied. "I decided I needed a bit of time for myself, now that I'm back in Mount Thomas."

He glanced around at the busy pub. Surely someone from the past would notice Tess? "I thought you didn't want anyone knowing you were back in town," he said curiously.

"Yeah, well..." she shrugged sheepishly, "I decided that if I hid myself for the whole time, it wouldn't be doing anyone any favours. Anyway, it's only Chris," she added matter-of-factly. "She said she won't tell anyone. Not even Tom."

"Just be grateful it was me who came, not someone else," Evan chided.

Tess laughed. "Yep."

"Hi Jonesy," Chris greeted, emerging from the parlour. "You'll have to wait a bit for the lunches, I'm afraid – health inspector came in this morning."

"Again?" Evan exclaimed, raising an eyebrow. "What for?"

"Nothing to be worried about – he's doing the rounds of the area," Chris answered reassuringly. "But it's going to take about ten minutes, the kitchen's a bit out of order. Sorry."

"Don't worry about it, I'll wait," he replied easily.

"Any excuse to get out of work," Tess grinned. She glanced around the pub, unsettled. Evan's concerns about her being seen had given her a sudden load of nerves. "Look, do you want to get some air?"

"Sure," he agreed, and he followed her outside.

"Look, Evan, I'm sorry about yesterday, for – you know," she waved a meaningful hand in the air.

"No, that's okay," he replied. "I was just a bit – a bit surprised, you know," he said lamely.

She closed her eyes momentarily. "I didn't mean to scare you. It's just that, while I was your sergeant I had built a brick wall around myself. A shield. And as much as I sometimes wanted it to, it wouldn't fall, not for anything. And now that I'm in Melbourne, that wall's been collapsing. Not suddenly, just brick by brick." Tess sighed. "I came back to let you know that. I owe that much to you."

"You don't owe me anything, Tess," Evan said, shaking his head.

"I was cruel to you."

"I got over it."

"I'm surprised you didn't hate me."

"I wanted to. I couldn't."

She looked away. "I'm sorry I put you through so much pain."

He snorted. "You wait nearly a year to apologise?" She opened her mouth worriedly, but he cut in. "Tess, listen. You made me cut my heart open and bleed, you pushed me away so far I was surprised I could still see you, you made me want to hate you... but you don't need to apologise."

A small smile glimmered upon her face. "You've done so much for me."

"Ah, well..." he trailed off, shrugging both modestly and sheepishly, "Best I could do."

She nodded, checking her watch. "You better go grab the lunches before the others send out a search party."

"Yeah, maybe I should," he agreed. Turning back to her, his brow furrowed. "What are you going to do now?"

"I thought I might drive to St David's, have a look around," Tess answered casually, then raised an eyebrow. "Evan, I really think you should go."

"Alright," he said, and quickly squeezed her. She hugged him back tightly, before releasing him.

"Go," she repeated, chuckling.

"Yes, Sarge," he teased, heading back into the Imperial, and leaving her outside, alone.

* * *

"Susie?" Her head snapped up, as Ben poked his head around the locker room doorway.

"Oh, Ben," she answered, relieved. "I didn't know you were back."

"Only got back a few minutes ago." He tilted her head. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she replied quickly, brushing the hair out of her eyes and standing up from the wooden bench.

He surveyed her for another agonising moment, before disregarding his concerns. "We've got a call out to a domestic on Hartley Street – d'you wanna come?"

"Me?"

"Jonesy's gone to get the lunches, and Jo's got plenty of paperwork owing. You're the best I've got," he grinned.

"Gee, thanks," she rebuked good-humorously, but followed him out to the main office obediently.

"Aren't you going to wait for lunch, Sarge?" Jo piped up from her desk.

"Domestics can't wait, Jo," Ben replied swiftly, "Even for my stomach."

"Is everything alright?" he asked once more as he and Susie climbed into their police car outside.

"Yes!" she exclaimed, finally frustrated at the flow of questions. Questions she didn't want to answer. "Ben, honestly I'm fine."

"You seem on edge."

"Tired, that's all. You finished?" she retorted.

"Sorry," he replied, deciding to keep quiet until she had calmed down slightly.

She winced. "Ah, hell, Ben – I didn't mean to have a go at you."

He shrugged and stuck his keys in the ignition, looking as though he would accept her explanation for now.

"So what's this domestic about?" Susie inquired. Anything to keep her mind on the job, rather than something else.

"Oh, I'm not sure really," Ben answered. "Number twenty three, is what I've got."

"Hartley Street, yeah?" she clarified. "Hang on, isn't that the Perkinson's place?"

"How do you know?"

"I went out there only last week about a burg. False alarm, though," she added. "Mrs Perkinson, living with her eldest son. It wasn't really anything -" she stopped abruptly, craning her neck as she looked out the window.

"What?" Ben glanced over at her, confused. "Suse?"

She turned back around, looking stunned.

"Suse? Something out there?"

"Nothing," she muttered quietly, determinedly avoiding eye contact.

"Constable, if you saw something, and -"

"Nothing, Ben, alright?" she snapped, pressing her fingers to her lips in dismay.

Now she knew. How could he – who was the other woman? Questions spun through her mind, as she subconsciously rubbed at her temple.

Jonesy – he had gone to the Imperial to pick up the lunches, Ben had said. Then what the hell was he doing outside the hotel, hugging another woman? Blonde, petite, dressed casually in jeans and a long-sleeved top. Susie had never seen her before.

She must be from out of town, she thought, or else she would have seen the woman before somewhere. Mount Thomas wasn't that large, after all. Probably just an old friend of his, even a relative, visiting town, she reasoned.

Then why was he acting so strangely around her, Susie wondered. There would be no reason for him to hide anything if it was completely innocent. It was that very thought, that made her think that perhaps it wasn't, as much as she wanted it to be.

Plus, Jonesy had adopted that look... the look he gave her that made her melt, Susie remembered, as her stomach plummeted. It was incredibly, shamefully selfish – she wasn't usually ever so possessive! But up until two or three days ago, she thought she had finally found some happiness, something good... oh, why did it never work out that way?

Had he been lying to her all this time? And it was then, that Susie was hit with a jealous pang inside her. Brad had betrayed her, but she had never been jealous of that psychologist – just hurt and furious at her husband for doing such a thing. But this blonde woman; Susie didn't know who she was, where she came from, and what she had with Jonesy... eurgh!

"Earth to Susie?" Ben's voice cut through her thoughts. "What's the matter?"

She looked out the window, to see that they had reached their destination. Not quickly enough, she thought grimly.

"Nothin'," she muttered, unbuckling her seatbelt and opening the door.

"No – Susie!" Ben called as she climbed out of the vehicle. He too undid his seatbelt and stood up, looking over the car roof. "What the hell is the matter with you? I didn't think you were okay back at the station, but now you're worse... Just tell me what is bothering you."

She shot him a ferocious look that made him seem to wither on the spot. "If it's alright by you, Sergeant, I think we better get on with our work." Her words stung him. Ben was surprised at her tone of voice, something that had been so far concealed from him in the year she had been in Mount Thomas.

"After you, Constable," he replied in monotone, letting her head to the Parkinson's front door in front.

* * *

"Ta, Chris," Evan grinned, lifting the box from the pub counter.

"No worries, Jonesy," Chris replied, heading back out to the kitchen. "Oh, and Jonesy," she stopped halfway and turned back, "what's this with Tess being back?"

He crinkled his brow. "Huh?"

"Well, I'm not as blind, nor as ignorant as you may think," she smiled, "but she's not the only woman I'd watch out for, if I were you." She departed without another word, leaving him standing there, rather confused.

Upon returning to the station, he felt it was unusually quiet.

"Ooh, great – thanks, Jonesy," Jo exclaimed, leaping up from her chair and grabbing her lunch. "What took you so long?"

"Delay in the kitchen," he explained.

"Oh. Well, Ben and Susie went off to a domestic." The senior constable had answered his unasked question.

He nodded. "Righto."

"Sorted out everything between you two yet?" she asked, not bothering to name any names.

"I'll let Tony Timms know, 'kay?" he said grudgingly back, sitting at his desk and turning away from Jo's inquisitive mind and mouth.

"Well, sorry," she muttered with an obvious dollop of sarcasm.

Soon enough, Ben and Susie returned from the simple and rather mild domestic situation; the sunshine clearly not shining through on the constable's face.

"Guys, your lunches are over there," Jo greeted, pointing to the box standing by the kitchenette.

"Ah, you beauty," Ben nodded approvingly, making a bee-line for it in order to satisfy his stomach. "Here, Suse." He tossed her bag across the office.

"Ta," Susie replied dully, catching her lunch. Jo raised an eyebrow.

"So..." she began imploringly.

Susie gave her fellow female colleague a 'don't-start'-type look, before pushing her chair back from her desk and stalking off towards the locker room.

"What did I say?" Jo demanded indignantly, watching her leave.

"I'll talk to her," Ben put in, following the blonde constable's route. He pushed open the slightly ajar door. "Suse?"

She didn't move from her place on the bench, nor did she look up.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, pulling the door back to its original ajar position, and moving closer. Concern was etched into his face like the dents in a car; visible and hard to fix.

Susie didn't seem to want to answer him. How could she tell him how Jonesy had been putting a distance between them, and then is seen embracing another woman just days later?

"Nothing for you to be worried about," she replied with a heavy sigh.

Gone were the times where she was optimistic, determinedly thinking Jonesy would come around. Now she felt she was falling into a deep hole. Ben obviously thought the same.

"Susie, I was asking as a friend, but now I'm asking as your sergeant: you have to tell me what's up."

"Ben, leave it, okay?"

"I would, but it's affecting your work. I can't ignore it. Look," he sighed, sitting down next to her, "we're as good as your family here, and I'm worried about you."

Half of her wanted to finally speak of the pain that was wrenching through her, the other half remaining silent. The silent half won, and she said nothing.

"Come on, Susie – look at me, at least," Ben reasoned. She didn't.

He reached for her chin and turned her face towards him. He studied her eyes; it was clear she had something heavy in her heart. Not many people looked like that for nothing... mind, Ben didn't know how many times he had seen someone look so down over one or two days, for no apparent reason. But most of all, she looked alone.

"Oh, I don't know, Suse," he sighed again, holding out his arms and pulling her towards him. She didn't squirm, as he half-expected her to; on the contrary, Susie was relieved at the support she was receiving from her boss. He didn't have to, yet he still did.

"Well, I won't push it any more, but just sort it out before the boss gets a whiff that something is wrong, alright?" Ben suggested. She nodded against him.

Seconds later, the door banged open, and Jonesy stood in the doorway. Susie instantly straightened and stood up, as an automatic reflex.

"Did you want one of us, Jonesy?" Ben asked quickly, also standing.

The constable stood there for a moment, not moving. "No," he finally muttered. "It was nothing." He turned and left the room as abruptly as he had arrived.

"Wonder what was bothering him?" Ben wondered aloud, oblivious as to what was going on. Susie stared at the now-closed door, and didn't reply.

"Anyway, Constable, remember what I said," he added firmly as a dismissal, and she nodded absently before leaving.

* * *

"Well, the first round's on PJ," Jo proclaimed as she stood up, shift reaching an end that evening.

"What?" the detective exclaimed from the filing cabinet. "Since when?"

"Since you agreed to shout me a drink," she threw back with a grin.

"Oh, come on, Jo..."

"Well, that counts me in," Ben chimed in. PJ looked helplessly disgruntled.

"Susie? Jonesy?" Jo offered, determined to make PJ's night hell, as far as the drinks went.

Evan shrugged, but Susie nodded slightly. "Yeah, I suppose," she replied, deciding that perhaps a drink at the pub would calm her stomach and mind – at least until she had to deal with things tomorrow.

"Rightio, we'll meet you there then. Night, Boss!" Jo called to Tom, who gave an obliging smile from his office and waved her on. PJ and Ben left with her.

Silence engulfed the station once more, and Susie found it somewhat difficult to bear. Instead, she switched off her lamp and went into the locker room, intending on getting changed to meet her colleagues at the Imperial. However, no more than ten seconds passed, when none other than Evan banged the door open.

She turned around, and upon seeing him, turned her back on him again.

"What was that, the thing with Ben before?" he demanded, not hiding his stony tone.

"Nothing, Jonesy," Susie said truthfully.

"That's not what it looked like to me."

"Well, you'd be wrong," she said impassively.

"Why are you doing this to me, Susie? What the hell is the matter with you all of a sudden?"

The rising wave of emotions that had been locked inside her suddenly found themselves overflowing. "Me?" she exclaimed. "I'm the one with the problem?"

"You haven't been yourself for the past two days," he put in flatly.

"And did you consider that maybe, just maybe, a fraction of that had to do with you?"

"What, because I didn't come home the other night?" Evan asked incredulously. "It bothered you that much?"

"And then you said you needed some time apart."

"I know I did."

"And you thought that wouldn't bother me in the slightest?"

Finally, he could see where she was getting at, and the old pang of guilt hit him again. "It wasn't you, it was me," he said, cringing at the cliché.

She didn't seem to hear this. "Did I do something, was that it?"

"No, it wasn't you at all," he defended.

He expected her to demand what it was, there and then, until she surprised him. "Who is that other woman? The blonde?"

He gaped at her. How the hell did she know about Tess?

"I saw you outside the Imperial today, we were driving past," Susie said stonily, knowing his unasked question.

He didn't say anything for a minute, not knowing how much to reveal, if anything at all. He supposed he owed her an explanation or two, but still...

"That was Tess," he said eventually.

"Tess... as in, your old sergeant Tess?" Susie said hesitantly.

"How do you know about her?"

"Jo," she replied simply. Figured. "I thought she was in Melbourne."

"I thought so too. But she's come back for a few days." He gave a deep sigh.

"You still love her," Susie said quietly, with a bitter edge that Evan could hear.

"Ye – no... yes," he finally answered firmly, not having thought about it yet.

Susie nodded, turning her back on him.

"But you don't understand," he added.

"Oh, don't I?" she replied scathingly. "You're in love with your sergeant, but she moves to Melbourne, and so when I come along you screw me instead. Yeah, I understand."

"Shit, Susie – that is no where near the truth!" he yelled, deeply hurt she could make an accusation like that, or even remotely think it.

"Fine. Tell me, then."

He took a breath. "Tess didn't just transfer to Melbourne. She moved, because she was pregnant with her ex-husband's child and was suffering from pre-eclampsia."

He could only see her back still, but she had stopped, obviously listening hard.

"Suse, I think I will always love Tess," he continued. "I can't deny that. Like PJ will always love Maggie. But... but it's not the kind of love that you're thinking of." He paused, attempting to gather his thoughts. "I care about her a lot, just like you would for Brad."

"Don't bring Brad into this," she said quietly.

He looked at the back of her head, and she could feel his eyes drilling into her. "Tess is going home tomorrow anyway. She'll be out of here, and you won't have to worry about her anymore."

Susie whirled around. "That's not my point. My point is, why didn't you just tell me she was here? Why did you have to go behind my back?"

He seemed to be torn with guilt, and she felt a bitter twinge of triumph inside.

"Tess wanted to keep her return a secret," he explained, knowing that the words sounded weak. Yet it had been different... he couldn't break his promise to his old sergeant. "I didn't tell you, because I thought it would be better that way."

"Mmm, heaps better," she muttered under her breath.

His guilt began to be taken over with impatience and frustration. "You know, if I wasn't thinking of you, I would be with Tess in an instant," he said, knowing it sounded harsh. "But I'm not, not with you here. God, I feel awful for pushing her away after so long, but as long as you're here, I will."

"Me? What difference would I make?" Susie exclaimed disbelievingly. "Go – be with Tess, if that's what you want. If she came up to you now and asked if you wanted to be with her, you wouldn't deny it, would you?"

He was silent, yet it spoke volumes.

"See, Jonesy?" she alleged. "How can I trust you enough, when I know you'll go behind my back at your own free will? The truth is," she paused, "I can't. I can't do that. I always thought I could trust you, that you would support me. Thanks for showing me that I can't even do that anymore."

She strode past him, slamming the locker room door behind her, as she headed straight for the police residence. It felt good having the last word.

She closed her front door behind her, and leaned against it, closing her eyes. The door guarded her form the outside world. Nothing could harm her while she was here.

Suddenly feeling exhausted, Susie dragged herself to the bedroom, and curled up in a ball under her bed covers. She looked to her left.

It was empty, and the bed sheet was cold.

And it was then, and only then, did she let go of the tears that she had been holding in for days, wishing that she was as happy as she had been a week beforehand.

Even more, she wished for Evan, who perhaps had been wishing for her, just as much, as well.

And she prayed for the calm after the storm.

ende 


End file.
